Salty's Volume/Chapter Index Volume Chapter Name Pages ________________________________________________________________________ I 1 A Nightmare On Elm Street, Part 96 2 I 2 A Quick Snapshot Look At A Few Presidents 6 I 3 A Titanic Disaster 5 I 4 All Some People Need Is A Good Ass Whipping 1 I 5 Alphabet Soup, Inc. 3 I 6 Argument Made Why Santa Claus Is Really Evil 4 I 7 Assholes Throughout History 2 I 8 Babe Ruth, Ty Cobb, Yogi and the Mick 28 I 9 Ben Franklin: The Real Father Of America 6 I 10 Calling All Star Trek Fans 9 ________________________________________________________________________ II 11 Charles Bronson: One Tough Dude 4 II 12 Churchill and Hitler 13 II 13 Cleopatra, Julius Caesar and Mark Antony 13 II 14 Clowns Give Me The Creeps 2 II 15 Dead People Have Rights, Too 3 II 16 Disgusting Commercials 2 II 17 Dog Is God Spelled Backwards 8 II 18 Drugs: American As Apple Pie 5 II 19 Duct Tape Can Save Your Life! 2 II 20 Earthquakes In New York City 2 ________________________________________________________________________ III 21 English King Henry The 8th 4 III 22 Even The States Are All Messed Up 7 III 23 File Under: God Protects Fools And Drunks 10 III 24 Gas Chamber, Hanging or Firing Squad? 9 III 25 Get Em' While They're Young, Boys… 5 III 26 Gonorrhea, Diarrhea and North Korea 1 III 27 Good and Bad 1 III 28 Hospitals Can Kill You 3 III 29 How The Media Helps Assassins And Lunatics 3 III 30 J.F.K. = King of the One Liners 3 ________________________________________________________________________ IV 31 Keith Richards Holds The Record 4 IV 32 Legalize All Drugs 2 IV 33 Lincoln and Booth 5 IV 34 Melissa, the Princess 5 IV 35 Mideast Solution 4 IV 36 More Freaky Deaths, Continued 6 IV 37 Myths About The American West 14 IV 38 Nanotech: Meet The Future 2 IV 39 Necrophilia; the Silent Addiction 7 IV 40 Never Trust A Serial Killer 3 ________________________________________________________________________ V 41 Nixon Was Fundamentally Honest 2 V 42 Nixon's Enemies 11 V 43 North Korea's Great Leader 4 V 44 Not Clowning Around 1 V 45 Princess Dianna Warns Buckle Up For Safety 2 V 46 Read This; It Could One Day Save Your Life 1 V 47 Reasons The Death Penalty Sucks 2 V 48 Religious Fanatics And Modern Science 2 V 49 Russian Leaders: History of 18 V 50 Salty Is Not Cheap 2 ________________________________________________________________________ VI 51 Saltys Solutions 2 VI 52 Sayings 1 VI 53 Scotty's Fired 1 VI 54 Send Dead People Dead Flowers 5 VI 55 Singers and Rock Stars Killed In Airplanes 4 VI 56 Some Moore Last Words 5 VI 57 Some More On Abbott and Costello 7 VI 58 The 21st Century Warriors 1 VI 59 The Birth of A New Religion: Elvis Lives! 3 VI 60 The Great Apes And Assorted Monkey Business 2 ________________________________________________________________________ VII 61 The J.F.K. Assassination: The Untold Story 31 VII 62 The Numbers Will Drive You Nuts 12 VII 63 The President's Brain Is Missing 4 VII 64 The Vampires Never Stop Coming 4 VII 65 The Wizard of Menlo Park 5 VII 66 They Claimed That FDR Was A Socialist Too 2 VII 67 Those Romans Weren't All Bad 7 VII 68 To Instant Replay or Not To Instant Replay 1 VII 69 Ty Cobb Was A Nasty Nasty Man 7 VII 70 When Bartenders Lose Their Minds 2 ________________________________________________________________________ VIII 71 When We Was Fab 5 VIII 72 Which Came First, The Chicken Or The Egg? 2 VIII 73 Why Roswell Space Aliens Are Bullshit 7 VIII 74 Why There Ain't No Mafia 5 VIII 75 Wild Animals Can Kill You 9 VIII 76 Holidays The True Story 12 VIII 77 Life Is A Highway 1 VIII 78 Michael Jackson 9 VIII 79 On Planet Earth, Some Things Just Go Together 1 VIII 80 Scarface Al Capone Americas #1 Gangster 6 ________________________________________________________________________ IX 81 Archeology Ain't Indiana Jones 5 IX 82 Disgusting Foods - Other Cultures Eating Habits 4 IX 83 Men vs. Women 3 IX 84 Of Mice and Men 2 IX 85 People and All Their Stuff 4 IX 86 The Cola Wars 8 IX 87 The Rural Southern Leadership 5 IX 88 There's A War Going On 6 IX 89 The Exorcist 9 IX 90 The Old Days of Human Sacrifice 5 ________________________________________________________________________ X 91 About Sex and Nudist Colonies 4 X 92 Beauty Pageants Are Such Bullshit 2 X 93 File On Secret Agents J And S 6 X 94 Sex is Very Popular on Earth 6 X 95 Stop Blaming us Irish for Everything 4 X 96 The Legend of Adam and Eve 1 X 97 The Mormon Church 8 X 98 The Short and the Tall of it All 4 X 99 The Speed of Light & Time Travel 3 X 100 What Pirates Loved 4 ________________________________________________________________________ XI 101 Brit And Ed: The Saga Continues 6 XI 102 Computers 3 XI 103 Everyone Had Their Favortie Beatle 24 XI 104 Jim Morrison 4 XI 105 Memories of Greg the Grim Reaper 6 XI 106 Salty's History of the New World 68 XI 107 Salty's Local Watering Hole of Characters 6 XI 108 Some Stars of Hollywood 38 XI 109 The Motorized Bandits of the 1930s 13 XI 110 Their New Wonder Drug Banitall 3 ________________________________________________________________________ XII 111 007 7 XII 112 911 1 XII 113 Aging Gracefully 2 XII 114 Bond...James Bond 2 XII 115 Going Postal 3 XII 116 How the Word Assassin Came About 2 XII 117 Make America's Borders Uncrossable 1 XII 118 So How's the War on Cancer Going? 2 XII 119 The Man Who Pissed On Gorbachev's Shoes 16 XII 120 When We Was Fab 5 ________________________________________________________________________ XIII 121 A Certain Class Of Females 3 XIII 122 Animal Cruelty Is Sick 1 XIII 123 Certain Singers Have Obsessions 2 XIII 124 Chains Do Not a Prison Make 2 XIII 125 God Just Is 1 XIII 126 Gone Fishing 1 XIII 127 How To Handle Afghanistan 2 XIII 128 Keep It Real Simple 2 XIII 129 Life Is Like A TV Show 3 XIII 130 Potential Rocket Scientists Of The World Unite 1 ________________________________________________________________________ XIV 131 Dolphins Brains Are Larger Than Peoples 4 XIV 132 Hookers on Earth 5 XIV 133 Is Hugh Hefner The Devil? 1 XIV 134 Less Whiners More 49ers 2 XIV 135 Pepperidge Farm Remembers 3 XIV 136 Police Shows Over the Years 6 XIV 137 Secret Words and Code Phrases 4 XIV 138 The Big Drug Seizure Photo Op Scam 1 XIV 139 The Cuban Embargo Is Stupid 1 XIV 140 The Internet 2 ________________________________________________________________________ XV 141 Baseball Its Mathematically Inevitable 1 XV 142 Chimpanzees Are Sex Maniacs 1 XV 143 Eleanor Rigby All The Lonely People 1 XV 144 Godzilla Equals Hiroshima Japan's Obsession 1 XV 145 I Want A Female Who Knows Cheap 1 XV 146 If It Ain't Broke Dont Fix It 1 XV 147 If They Can Send A Man To The Moon 1 XV 148 Illicit Ivory Trade Deadly Cost 1 XV 149 Inbreeding Is Not Good For You 1 XV 150 Mannequins Are My Kind of People 1 _______________________________________________________________________ XVI 151 Its Its Its A Cockroach 4 XVI 152 More of Dog Is God Spelled Backwards 4 XVI 153 Not Many People Know 3 XVI 154 Saltys Economics 101 4 XVI 155 So Easy a Caveman Could Do It 3 XVI 156 Some Be Heroes Some Just Zeroes 1 XVI 157 Star Trek Endings 1 XVI 158 The Conservatives Nightmare 2 XVI 159 The Good Guys and The Bad Guys 5 XVI 160 Turn Down The Frigging Commercials 2 ________________________________________________________________________ XVII 161 Motorcycles Can Be The Ultimate Vibrator 1 XVII 162 Ones Word Should Be Ones Bond 1 XVII 163 Question 1 XVII 164 Rebel Without A Clue 1 XVII 165 Snobby People Are Not Nice 1 XVII 166 Some Very Depressing Thoughts 8 XVII 167 Something Stupid This Way Comes 2 XVII 168 Two Kinds Of Stupid 1 XVII 169 Witches Witches Everywhere 9 XVII 170 World War II Thinking Outside The Box 4 ________________________________________________________________________ XVIII 171 About Those Eskimos 3 XVIII 172 An Acute Case of Cuteness 3 XVIII 173 Comes in Medium, Large and Extra Large 3 XVIII 174 Core Principles 2 XVIII 175 Dating for Social Retards 2 XVIII 176 Did the Sopranos Steal My Character 6 XVIII 177 Disturbing News from the Muslim World 3 XVIII 178 Everybody on the Island of Lesbos is a Lesbian 2 XVIII 179 Fads 5 XVIII 180 Females are not Males 2 ________________________________________________________________________ XIX 181 Guys Love Their Gadgets ... A Lot 2 XIX 182 Hell for Hall of Famers 2 XIX 183 History is Bunk - Said Henry Ford 2 XIX 184 It's Possible, Just not Economically Feasible 2 XIX 185 Jimmy Carter was a President 4 XIX 186 Man and Woman 2 XIX 187 Peace, Love and Bowie Knives: Manson Family Values 3 XIX 188 Perversions 3 XIX 189 Prohibition was Doomed to Failure 3 XIX 190 Report from Earth People are all Messed Up 4 ________________________________________________________________________ XX 191 Sex is Simple, Comedy is Hard 4 XX 192 Simon got Garfunkled 13 XX 193 So Who the Hell Invented Television 2 XX 194 Stalin was a Wimp 4 XX 195 Suicide is Painless - Or so the Song Goes 6 XX 196 The Annual Running of the Bulls is Bullshit 1 XX 197 Puppets Puppets Everywhere 3 XX 198 Real Men Don't Use Straws 5 XX 199 Russian Leaders Have Always Been Bad 2 XX 200 Salty's Interpersonal Relationship Philosophy 2 ________________________________________________________________________ XXI 201 1969 Really was a Miracle Year 2 XXI 202 A Few Words On Cartoons 2 XXI 203 A Few Words On The Fashion Industry 2 XXI 204 Asinine Court Decisions by Judges 2 XXI 205 Assholes Are a Universal Phenomenon 6 XXI 206 Baseball 4 XXI 207 Cancer Cells are the Smallest Imposters 2 XXI 208 Custer Never Had a Chance 10 XXI 209 Derogatory Words 4 XXI 210 Generals Always Fight the Last War 4 __________________________________________________________________________ XXII 211 Funeral Homes are Such Bullshit 8 XXII 212 Heroes of the Counterculture 6 XXII 213 Hurry Up and Drop Dead 4 XXII 214 Is Barack Obama Turning Into Lyndon Johnson 2 XXII 215 Muhammad Ali Never Shut His Mouth 2 XXII 216 ... Various Reincarnation Possibilities 10 XXII 217 Professor Salty Speaks on Economics 2 XXII 218 Robert E. Lee Greatest American General 4 XXII 219 Salty's Secrets to How to Pickup Girls 4 XXII 220 Will Somebody Notify the Idiots? 1 ________________________________________________________________________ XXIII 221 And They Laughed At The Wright Brothers 4 XXIII 222 Bullys I Hate 4 XXIII 223 Hustler Magazine Is Uncensored 4 XXIII 224 Planet Of The Apes, Continued 2 XXIII 225 The Ghetto Hip Mentality Sucks 2 XXIII 226 The Johnny-Come-Latelys Always Get Punished 2 XXIII 227 The Sorry State of American Porn 2 XXIII 228 Too Many Jerks Driving Around 2 XXIII 229 When Hornyness Walks In Pride Climbs Out Window 2 XXIII 230 Why Elvis Was The King, Continued 2 ________________________________________________________________________ XXIV 231 Again My Respect For Engineers 2 XXIV 232 Are Batman And Robin Gay 3 XXIV 233 Bankers And Child Molesters 3 XXIV 234 Person Of Interest or Suspect - M 2 XXIV 235 Richard Nixon - A Character Out Of Shakespeare 8 XXIV 236 Salty Lesson 1 - Decades Run Into Each Other 2 XXIV 237 The College Football Farce 2 XXIV 238 The Evil Clowns Corporate Empire 6 XXIV 239 The National Enquirer - Old Time 1 XXIV 240 Where Did All Them Dinosaurs Go 3 ________________________________________________________________________ XXV 241 Bill Belichick - Even Coaches Can Be Evil 3 XXV 242 BP Oil - Go Back To Britain 2 XXV 243 Certainly Not Mommy Dearest 2 XXV 244 Get It In Writing 1 XXV 245 Get Off Obamas Back 4 XXV 246 It Isn't What They Say It Is 2 XXV 247 It's Just A Gimmick 1 XXV 248 Life Is Like A Bowl Of Chocolates 1 XXV 249 Money Is Filthy Filthy Filthy 3 XXV 250 More Of - Everythings Also Its Opposite 3 ________________________________________________________________________ XXVI 251 Keep Things Short and Sweet 1 XXVI 252 My Writings Are Like My Children 1 XXVI 253 Politics Should Measure Like Science 3 XXVI 254 Religions 2 XXVI 255 Salty Is Politically Incorrect 1 XXVI 256 Should Science Create Artificial Life 1 XXVI 257 Some People, All They Think About Is Sex 1 XXVI 258 Stand By Your Man - My Ass 1 XXVI 259 The District Attorneys Have A Big Secret 2 XXVI 260 The Left Hand Don't Know What The Right Is Doing 2 ________________________________________________________________________ XXVII 261 The President Got Demented 2 XXVII 262 The Real Solutions Are Simple 1 XXVII 263 The Suburban Lawn Mania Game 3 XXVII 264 The Thing With The Thing - It Is What It Is 4 XXVII 265 The Vandals Really Did Steal All The Handles 5 XXVII 266 The Worlds Dumbest Sports Volume 1 - Bull Fighting 3 XXVII 267 They Are - The Losers 2 XXVII 268 Two Kinds Of People In The World 1 XXVII 269 Virtual Reality - Still Virtually Stupid 1 XXVII 270 Washington And Jefferson Owned Slaves 2 ________________________________________________________________________ XXVIII 271 Whales 3 XXVIII 272 When Paleface Met Redskin 3 XXVIII 273 Why Do They Call It .... 2 XXVIII 274 Why The All Time High In Imprisoned Felons 4 XXVIII 275 Coming Soon? 1 XXVIII 276 Winners And Losers 3 XXVIII 277 Wise Sayings 7 XXVIII 278 You Don't Know What You Got Till It's Gone 3 XXVIII 279 You Hear It All The Time 2 XXVIII 280 Coming Soon? 1 ________________________________________________________________________